The Top New Words of 2024

The Oxford English Dictionary recently announced the 2023 Word of the Year, “Rizz.” What’s on store for 2024?  Here are some of the early frontrunners!

Asbestie: A clingy companion who seems great, but who’s harder to get rid of than Navy Yard Mesothelioma.

Brodious: Masculinity so toxic and repugnant, it offends even the members of a frat house.  EX: “This quintuple IPA is brodious.”  

Broligarchy: A concentration of power in the hands of a very few, very douchey men.

Brozempic: A weight loss program consisting entirely of aggressive fat-shaming and ridicule by one’s peers.  

CatGPT: An artificial Intelligence program that will ignore all your queries and somehow knock all your stuff off of dressers.

Doughtox: Improving one’s looks through the acquisition of vast sums of money.  EX: “Thanks largely to doughtox, Elon Musk is considered good looking by some.

Ed-amame:  Ed Sheeran’s organic soybean brand (proposed)

Frizz: To seem charismatic by association.  Remember, once your rizz-filled friend leaves, your frizz will fade fast.  Plan accordingly. 

Ginfluencer: Someone with unreasonably strong opinions about artisanal Gin.

Hashtag, MeThree:  Straight men who incessantly offer to spice up committed lesbian relationships.

Instagrammar:  The mangling of the English language that takes place on social media.

I’m Dying:  Alternately used to mean you find something hilarious, or as an urgent request for immediate medical attention.  Context matters.

Jesus Slept: The theory that a carnal sin taking place after 2 am doesn’t count.

Keeping It Fifty: A different, significantly less-confrontational approach to life than “keeping it one hundred.”  Those who “keep it fifty” are more than happy to entertain small lies just to avoid a hassle.

LMIRLITANF: “Let’s meet in real life in the Angeles National Forest.”  Do NOT accept!

Mortgage-free:  Even more obsessed than “rent-free,” when something is “living mortgage-free” in someone’s head, it will take at least 30 years to get rid of the unwanted thought.

NDE: Normal Dick Energy.  The confidence a six-inch man exudes knowing that consensual vaginal penetration will probably not be painful for his partner.

OK Esaison:  To dismiss someone’s opinion as having the same cultural relevance as former Cincinnati Bengals quarterback Boomer Esiason.  In his defense, he’s a 4-time pro-bowler!  Put some respect on that man!

Pick Nose Girls: Even thirstier for male acceptance than “Pick Me girls,” these spunky funsters reeeeeeally want to prove they’re one of the guys.

Plathie: Much like a “Swiftie,” only used instead for a devoted follower of Sylvia Plath.   You’ll never understand how much they feel.  Or how much they hate Ted Hughes.

Quiet Quilting: To do the bare minimum of paid office tasks, while at the same time knitting incessantly.

RILF: “Realtor I’d like to Fuck.” Syn. “Realtor.”

Simposium: A collection of beta boys desperately trying to curry favor with a female.  Fox News Panelists whenever Trump is around.

Spinfluencer: A Peloton trainer engaging in blatant product placement during their annoying high-energy patter.

Trauma Dump: Similar sounding to “Trauma Dumping,” but markedly different in meaning, a trauma dump is a bowel movement undertaken after a night of beer drinking, and directly after morning coffee.

Trauma Dumpling: A dumpling appetizer accompanied by an unexpected, deeply unsettling tale of abuse and human trafficking by the waiter.  Essentially, trauma dumping… but with Gyoza!

Twerkforce: The employees of a gentleman’s club

Ubermensch: The ideal ride-share driver.  Courteous, non-smoking, safe yet speedy, happy to help with bags.   

Van Strife: The bitter bickering that any couple inevitably experiences if they try to live the van life for any extended period of time.

Wokeanda: An idealized state of total liberal bliss, alas under constant threat from perceived microaggressions from both within and without.

Xitter:  to make something substantially worse, like “X” did to Twitter.   The “X” is pronounced with a “sh” sound, not unlike President Xi of China.  EX: This new redesign put the company in the Xitter.

Yasserfy:  To use a photo filter that makes everyone look like the former PLO head Yasser Arafat (1929 – 2004). 

Yeast Mode: To really, really get into baking bread at home.

YODO: You Only Die Once.  An admonition to proceed with caution.  

Zoddy:  A stylish, sexy man with the swagger and confidence of exiled Kryptonian super criminal, General Zod.  (See Terence Stamp in “Superman II”; See also, “Zod Bod.”)

Zoom Tone: The sound of a room completely full of people, yet completely silent, other than the sound of fingers tapping on phones.